I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
