dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
