whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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