I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
only you would photoshop your dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
