Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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