I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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