I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize