Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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