She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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