I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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