I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
