After last night, I could never be a politician.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
