so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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