So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
