Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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