Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
