...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
