put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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