just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I did not marry a roomba.
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