So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
