I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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