i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
