I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
