I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
