He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
