My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
