Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
