??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
