my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
