To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
