At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
