Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
