When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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