and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
not ubering you a puppy
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
