I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread