I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.