Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.