My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
