apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.