im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day