Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
where are my pants?
in the oven.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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