if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
