Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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