When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
