we're chasing vodka with high fives
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
porn star boner night. come get it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
