I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
