Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
