Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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