you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My penis needs a shock collar
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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