He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
