I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
