i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
