Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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