Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
