Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
