Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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