Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
