I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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