I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
