Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
