Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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