Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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