that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
