You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
