I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
