Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
