i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
